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Showing posts with label Top Charts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Top Charts. Show all posts

11/03/2014

14 Things Successful People Do On Weekends

Spencer Rascoff is only 37. Yet the Harvard grad and father of three has already accomplished so much.

He cofounded Hotwire.com and served as a VP for Expedia EXPE +0.63%; he held the roles of CFO, vice president of marketing and COO at Zillow; and in 2008 Rascoff was promoted to chief executive of the popular real estate information site.

Wondering how the Zillow CEO has achieved and maintained his success? His weekend routine has something to do with it.

“My weekends are an important time to unplug from the day-to-day and get a chance to think more deeply about my company and my industry,” Rascoff says. “Even when I’m technically not working, I’m always processing in the background and thinking about the company. Weekends are a great chance to reflect and be more introspective about bigger issues.”

He says he always spends weekends with his family. “Even if I’m on the road on a Friday and have to be back in that same city the following week, I always come home no matter what.”

Here are 14 things successful people do (or should be doing) on weekends:


1. Make time for family and friends. 

This is especially important for those who don’t spend much time with their loved ones during the week.

2. Exercise. 

Everyone needs to do it, and if you can’t work out 4 to 5 days during the workweek, you need to be active on weekends to make up for some of that time, Vanderkam says. It’s the perfect opportunity to clear your mind and create fresh ideas.

“I know an owner of a PR firm who takes walks in the park with his dog to spark ideas about how to pitch a new client, or what angle to take with the press for a story,” Kurow says.

Cohen suggests spin classes and outdoor cycling in the warmer months. “Both are energizing and can be organized among people with shared interests. For example, it is not uncommon for hedge fund folks and Wall Street professionals to ride together on weekends. It is a great way to establish and cultivate relationships based on membership in this elite professional community.”

3. Pursue a passion.

“There’s a creative director of a greeting card company who went back to school to pursue an MFA because of her love of art,” Kurow says. “Pursuing this passion turned into a love of poetry that she now writes on weekends.”

“Successful people make time for what is important or fun,” Egan adds. “They make space for activities that add to their life balance.”

4. Vacation.

Getting away for the weekend provides a great respite from the grind of an intense week at work, Cohen says.

5. Disconnect.

The most successful people avoid e-mail for a period of time, Vanderkam says. “I’m not saying the whole weekend, but even just a walk without the phone can feel liberating. I advocate taking a ‘tech Sabbath.’ If you don’t have a specific religious obligation of no-work time, taking Saturday night to mid-day Sunday off is a nice, ecumenical time that works for many people.”

6. Volunteer.

“I know a commercial real estate broker who volunteers to help with cook-off events whose proceeds are donated to the Food Bank,” Kurow says. “The volunteer work provides a balance to the heavy analytical work she does all week and fulfills her need to be creative — she designs the promotional material for the nonprofit.”

Cohen says a lot of successful people participate in fundraising events. “This is a great way to network and to meet others with similar interests,” he says. “The visibility also helps in branding a successful person as philanthropic.”

7. Avoid chores.

Every weekend has a few have-to-dos, but you want these to take the minimum amount of time possible, Vanderkam explains. Create a small window for chores and errands, and then banish them from your mind the rest of the time.

8. Plan.

“Planning makes people more effective, and doing it before the week starts means you can hit Monday ready to go, and means you’ll give clear directions to the people who work for you, so they will be ready to go, too,” Vanderkam says.

Trunk agrees. She says successful people plan their month and year because “if you get stuck on short-term lists you don’t get anything big accomplished.”

9. Socialize.

“Humans are social creatures, and studies of people’s experienced happiness through the day finds that socializing ranks right up there, not too far down below sex,” Vanderkam says.

Go out with friends and family, or get involved in the local community.

“It has been demonstrated that successful people find great satisfaction in giving back,” Cohen says. “Board membership, for example, also offers access to other successful folks.”

10. Gardening/crafts/games/sports/cooking/cultural activities.

This is especially important for those cooped up in an office all week.

“For the pure joy, some folks find great satisfaction in creating beautiful gardens,” Cohen says.

Kurow knows an attorney who uses her weekends to garden and do mosaics and tile work to satisfy her creative side. “Filling her life this way enables her to be refreshed on Monday and ready to tackle the litigation and trial prep work. Artwork for her is fulfilling in a way that feeds her soul and her need to connect with her spiritual side.”

Bridge lessons and groups can also sharpen the mind and often create relationships among highly competitive smart professionals, Cohen says. “I once saw a printout of a bridge club’s membership list; its members were a who’s who of Wall Street.”

Theatre, opera and sporting events can also enrich one’s spirit, he adds.

11. Network.

“Networking isn’t an event for a successful person, it’s a lifestyle,” Trunk says. Wherever they go and whatever they do, they manage to connect with new people.

12. Reflect. 

Egan says truly successful people make time on weekends to appreciate what they have and reflect on their happiness and accomplishments. As Rascoff said, “weekends are a great chance to reflect and be more introspective about bigger issues.”

13. Meditate. 

Classes and private instruction offer a bespoke approach to insight and peace of mind, Cohen says. “How better to equip yourself for success in this very tough world?”

14. Recharge. 

We live in a competitive world, Vanderkam says. “Peak performance requires managing downtime, too–with the goal of really recharging your batteries.” That’s how the most successful people get so much done.

Successful people know that time is too precious to be totally leisurely about leisure, Vanderkam concludes. “You’re not going to waste that time by failing to think about what you’d like to do with it, and thus losing the weekend to TV, puttering, inefficient e-mail checking and chores. If you don’t have a busy workweek, your weekend doesn’t matter so much. But if you’re going from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. every day, it certainly does.”

Full article at Forbes

07/03/2014

35 Secret Starbucks drinks you didn't know you could order

Okay. Starbucks. Everyone love Starbucks. Don't deny it, we always have cravings for it, and there are so many times we hope that Starbucks do delivery.
So this whole post is gonna be bout Starbucks drinks!!
Most people don't know this, but Starbucks has a secret menu created by dedicated baristas and enthusiastic customers. It's not listed anywhere, and most of the drinks are region specific. But if you know the recipe¨Cyou can ask for them anywhere!
Ever notice custom Frappuccino suggestions scrawled on blackboards in the store, with a barista's name as the creator? That's where these come from! Some of these have become popular and wide-spread, but you should know the recipe as asking for a drink by name will NOT be familiar to almost all baristas.
Please be respectful to your Baristas; none of these items are on the actual menu, and are instead creations/customization by enthusiastic customers and baristas from throughout the world. If you'd like a drink you see here, don't ask for it by name; ask for it by the recipe! And please be mindful of seasonal ingredients in some of the drinks when that is noted.

1. Caramel Apple Frappuccino
caramel-apple-frappuccino

This one can taste like caramel dipped apples, or even like a slice of cinnamon-scented apple pie topped with caramel. Delicious! For a more pronounced caramel flavor, try ordering (if the caramel ribbon crunch frappuccino's dark caramel is available):
Apple juice to the first line
Whole milk to the second line
Cream base (4 pumps for venti, 3 pumps grande, 2 pumps tall)
Dark caramel (3 pumps for venti, 2 pumps grande, and 1 pump for a tall)
Cinnamon dolce syrup (3 pumps for venti, 2 pumps grande, and 1 pump for a tall)
Caramel ribbon crunch pieces
Caramel drizzle
Get it with whipped cream and cinnamon dolce topping
If that seems like too much caramel for you, try asking for:
Cream base to the first line
Apple juice to the second line
Caramel syrup (2 pumps for venti, 1.5 pumps grande, and 1 pump tall)
Cinnamon dolce syrup (2 pumps for venti, 1.5 pumps grande, and 1 pump tall)

2. Orange Creamsicle Frappuccino
orangecreamsicle

Orange and vanilla go so well together. What's not to like? When summertime refreshers are available, try ordering a Valencia orange refresher blended with the vanilla bean frappuccino base. Whipped cream on top goes well here. Very simple to order, but only available seasonally.
For other times of the year, try asking for:
Orange mango juice to the first line
Milk (soy, dairy, whatever you prefer) to the second line
Cream base (4 pumps for a venti, 3 pumps grande, and 2 pumps for a tall)
Classic syrup (4 pumps for a venti, 3 pumps grande, and 2 pumps for a tall)
Scoop of ice, then blended together
Get it with whipped cream on top

3. Nutella Frappuccino
nutella
For the numerous Nutella lovers out there, order:
Coffee frappuccino
Hazelnut syrup (1.5 pumps for venti, 1 pump for a grande, half a pump for tall)
Mocha syrup (3 pumps for venti, 2 pumps for a grande, 1 for tall)
Whipped cream blended in
Top it with whipped cream and/or caramel if you so desire.

4. Spiced Apple Chai
applechai
This one is delicious and simple to order. You can have it either hot or iced. It tastes like a spiced apple cider, and it's very refreshing when iced. I've actually been able to just ask for an iced/hot apple chai at most places and the baristas know what to do, but I've run into a few locations where they're a little confused.
If the barista is unfamiliar, just tell them it's a chai infusion in apple juice after asking for it hot or iced. That's how most ring it up on the register, too¨Calthough I've also seen some do a chai latte minus milk and with apple juice, which will be a bit more expensive. It varies depending on location. Try it with caramel drizzle and whipped cream on top if you're getting it hot.

5. Mint Chocolate Chip Frapuccino
mintchocolatechip
You can try this flavor a number of ways. Our favorite is a mocha frappuccino with peppermint syrup (number of pumps according to your taste) and java chips blended in! You could also try:
A green tea frappuccino
Peppermint syrup (1-4 pumps, adjust for taste and size)
And java chips (1-4 scoops)
Alternatively:
A green tea frappuccino
Java chips
Mocha syrup (3 pumps for a venti, 2 for grande, and 2 for tall)
Peppermint syrup (2 pumps for a venti, 1 pump for grande and tall)
If the green tea is too strong, just ask for less green tea powder in the future. Find out which combination is your favorite!

6. Peach Ring Tea
peachring
Remember those sugary circular peach ring candies? This reminds us of those. Make sure it's summertime and refreshers are available.
Ask for:
Half Valencia orange refresher and half passion tea
No water
Peach syrup (6 pumps for trenta, 5 for venti, 3 for grande, and 2 for tall)

7. Caramel Snickerdoodle Macchiato
caramelsnickerdoodle
This one is reminiscent of a caramel covered snickerdoodle cookie. Ask for an iced soy caramel macchiato, upside down (this makes it so the flavors blend together better) with vanilla syrup (2 pumps for venti, 1.5 for grande, and 1 for tall) and cinnamon dolce syrup (2 pumps venti, 1.5 grande, and just one for tall).

8. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Frappuccino
cookiedoughfrapp
This dessert drink is as close to cookie dough as you can get with Starbucks. It's a bit complicated.
Here's what you order:
Chai creme frappuccino
Get it with with soy milk
Whipped cream blended in
Java chips blended in
Cinnamon dolce syrup (3 pumps for venti, 2.5 grande, and 2 for a tall)
Chocolate whipped cream on top
Mocha drizzle

9. Ferrero Rocher Frappuccino
ferrerorocher
I can't get enough of those hazelnut chocolate sweets, and now I can have them in drink-form!
Double chocolate chip frappuccino (or java chip if you want the caffeine)
Hazelnut syrup (2 pumps venti, 1.5 pumps grande, 1 pump tall)
Mocha syrup (3 pumps venti, 2.5 pumps grande, 2 pumps tall)
Hazelnut drizzle on top
If you happen to carry around any of the candies, you can drop them in when you get your order! The whipped cream on top is your choice.

10. Caramel Popcorn Frappuccino
caramelpopcorn (1)
This sweet drink is buttery and tastes like cracker jacks! It's very simple, too; especially if it's when they're serving salted caramel drinks. Just order a toffee nut frappuccino with caramel drizzle & whipped cream on top, and top with sea salt (somewhere between one and two packs depending on taste and size).

11. Nutter Butter Frappuccino
nutterbutter
You know, the cookies shaped like peanuts with a peanut butter filling? This tastes oddly similar. Order:
Hazelnut frappucino
Blend in a whole banana
Cinnamon dolce syrup (3 pumps for a venti, 2 pumps grande, 1 for a tall)
Toffee nut syrup (3 pumps for a venti, 2 pumps for grande, and 1 for tall)
With or without whipped cream on top¨Cthis nutty drink is tasty.

12. Peach Cobbler Frappuccino
peachcobbler
The icier version of a hot slice of peach cobbler. This drink is all about the mix of vanilla, cinnamon, and peach flavors. Mm-mm. Order:
A vanilla bean frappuccino
Cinnamon dolce syrup (2 pumps for venti, 1.5 pumps grande, and 1 pump for tall)
With peach syrup (4 pumps for venti, 3 for a grande, and 2 pumps for a tall)
Whipped cream blended in
Cinnamon dolce drizzle on top
Get it with whipped cream on top
Add a pump of classic syrup if it's not sweet enough for you.

13. Blackberry Cobbler Frappuccino
blackberrycobbler
This fruity drink is pretty and it tastes great! This is one of the combinations that is thanks to Starbucks introducing their fruity summertime refreshers. Order:
A vanilla bean frappuccino
White mocha syrup (2 pumps for a venti, 1.5 for grande, and 1 pump for a tall)
And a scoop of freeze-dried blackberries blended in
Top with whipped cream if you'd like!

14. Cadbury Creme Egg Frappuccino
cadburyegg
Ugh, the cloyingly sweet fondant of Cadbury Creme Eggs is my arch-nemesis. And now I can gorge myself on this drink year-round! Here's what to order:
Java chip frappuccino
2 shots of espresso for venti and grande, 1 shot for tall
Vanilla bean powder (4 scoops for a venti, 3 scoops grande, and 2 scoops for tall)
Caramel syrup (1 pump for a venti-sized drink, and .5 pumps for grande and tall)
Vanilla syrup (2 pumps for venti, 1.5 pumps grande, and 1 pump for a tall)
Whipped cream on top is optional, but recommended. Likewise for the caramel drizzle on top.

15. Rainbow Sherbet Frappuccino
rainbowsherbet
I love rainbow sherbet in the summer. This one is for those with a sweet tooth. It's only available while Starbucks is doing their refreshers. For a grande, order:
A strawberries and cream frappuccino made with orange refresher instead of strawberry pur¨¦e
3 pumps of cream base
A scoop of vanilla bean powder
A pump of raspberry syrup
A pump of peach syrup
Add ice and blend it all up
Again, this is one of the drinks on our list that is only available seasonally.

16. Black Forest Frappuccino
blackforest
Berries and chocolate is such a tasty flavor pairing. And now you can have it in drink form! If mocha cookie crumble frappuccinos are available, order one of those and add raspberry syrup (2.5 pumps for venti, 2 pumps grande, and 1.5 pumps for a tall) rather than the vanilla syrup it normally has.

17. Banana Chocolate Chip Frappuccino
bananachocolatechip
A thick & delicious dessert beverage. Try getting it with whipped cream on top! Order:
A vanilla bean frappuccino
With java chips (3 scoops for a venti, 2 scoops grande, and 1 for tall)
And a whole banana blended in

18. Caramel Macchiato Frappuccino
caramelmacc
Now you can have your favorite two-layer drink in frappuccino form (albeit without the two distinct layers). Try:
A vanilla bean frappuccino
With 2 shots of espresso
Extra caramel drizzle on top, whipped cream optional

19. Key Lime Pie Frappuccino
keylimepie
Perfect for a tart treat in the summertime, this one will only be available when their refreshers are on the menu. It's a long one; here it is:
Cool lime juice to the bottom line
Whole milk to the second line
Cinnamon dolce syrup (1.5 pumps for venti, 1 pump grande, and .5 for tall)
Vanilla syrup(3 pumps for a venti, 2 pumps for a grande, and 1 for tall)
White mocha (3 pumps for a venti, 2 pumps for a grande, and 1 for tall)
Whipped cream blended in
Add toasted coconut flakes if those are available on top, along with whipped cream to top it off!

20. S'mores Frappuccino
smores
This popular campfire snack is now in beverage form! Try ordering:
A java chip frappuccino (double chocolate chip works if you'd rather not have the caffeine)
Toffee nut syrup (1.5 pumps for venti, 1 pump grande, .5 pumps for a tall)
Cinnamon dolce syrup (1.5 pumps for venti, 1 pump grande, .5 pumps for a tall)
Whipped cream blended in
Whipped cream and cinnamon dolce sprinkles on top

21. Red Velvet Frappuccino
redvelvet
This one is simple and delicious. Order a half white chocolate mocha, half regular mocha frappuccino with 2 pumps of raspberry syrup (or 3 for a venti) and top with whipped cream!

22. Neapolitan Frapuccino
Neapolitan
Triple the flavor in this creamy treat.
Order:
A strawberries and cream frappuccino
Mocha syrup (3 pumps venti, 2 grande, and 1 pump for tall)
Vanilla bean powder (1.5 scoops for venti, and 1 scoop for grande and tall)
Get it with chocolate drizzle and chocolate whipped cream (if available) on top

23. Oreo Frapuccino
oreo
This is super simple to order. Just ask for a double chocolate chip frappiccuno with white chocolate mocha in the place of the regular mocha syrup.

24. Zebra Frappuccino
zebra
Do you like white chocolate and regular chocolate? For the best of both worlds, try asking for:
A mocha frappuccino
Made with half white chocolate mocha and half regular mocha
Add java chips
You can also try this combination (with or without the chips) in non-frappuccino iced drinks, or even hot drinks!

25. Butterbeer Frappuccino
butterbeer
As if it came from Hogsmeade, try ordering:
Creme frappuccino base with whole milk
Toffee nut syrup (4 pumps for a venti, 3 pumps for grande, and 2 pumps tall)
Caramel syrup (4 pumps for a venti, 3 pumps for grande, and 2 pumps tall)
Add caramel drizzle
Get it with whipped cream if you'd like.

26. Cake Batter Frappuccino
cakebatter
This one might sound weird, but it works and is very simple to order. It's just a vanilla bean frappuccino with almond flavoring added. Alternatively, vanilla bean powder added to a vanilla frappuccino with added almond flavoring. Unfortunately, the almond flavoring isn't always available anymore.

27. Cinnamon Roll Frapuccino
cinnamonroll
The frozen, drinkable version of a cinnamon bun:
Vanilla bean frappuccino
Cinnamon dolce syrup (3 pumps venti, 2 pumps grande, 1 pump tall)
White chocolate mocha syrup (3 pumps venti, 2 pumps grande, 1 pump tall)
Cinnamon dolce powder sprinkled on top
Or if you want something easier to order, ask for a vanilla bean frappuccino with cinnamon dolce syrup added.

28. Banana Split
bananasplit
The frappuccino version of a favorite sundae, order:
A strawberries and creme frappuccino
A whole banana blended in
Vanilla bean powder
Java chips blended in
Get it topped with whipped cream and mocha drizzle
You can even add caramel drizzle on top of all of that for an even tastier dessert.

29. Creamy Dark Caramel Espresso Frappuccino
bomb
This one is deliciously rich and thick. It's different than the preparation of most other frappuccinos, so be very clear in your requests. For a grande:
Get heavy whipping cream (different from whipped cream) blended with just ice and cream base
Add 3 pumps of dark caramel sauce to the bottom of the cup, then pour the blended mix into the cup
Add a shot of espresso
With whipped cream and cookie crumbles on top (when available)

30. French Vanilla
frenchvanilla
Sweet and creamy. For a grande, ask for:
A vanilla bean frappuccino
2 pumps of toffee nut syrup
2 pumps of vanilla syrup
Extra caramel drizzle blended in
Top with whipped cream
You can also order any drink with a french vanilla flavor just by ordering something with half vanilla and half toffee nut. Go wild!

31. Turtle Frappuccino
turtle
Tastes just like the holiday chocolate turtle candies, and is a nice substitute if you're missing Caribou Coffee's frozen turtle mocha drink. Here's what you order:
A java chip frappuccino
Toffee nut syrup (3 pumps venti, 2 pumps grande, and 1 pump tall)
Whipped cream on top
Caramel and mocha drizzles on top

32. Twix Frappuccino
twix
Inspired by the chocolate coated caramel cookie candy bar, this is another drink with a few variations. Try:
Caramel frappuccino
Java chips
Hazelnut syrup (2 pumps venti, 1.5 pumps grande, 1 pump tall)
Whipped cream blended in
Coat the cup with caramel sauce
And add mocha drizzle on top
Alternatively:
Caramel frappuccino
Chocolate syrup (adjust amount of pumps with drink size and taste)
Whipped cream on top
Topped with caramel and mocha drizzles
Sprinkled with crunchy caramel pieces (either from their holiday-time br?l¨¦e drinks or the summertime caramel ribbon crunch)
Or you could even ask for (grande size):
Java chip frappuccino
Add a pump of caramel syrup
Blend in half of a chocolate caramel pretzel (from their pastry selection if available, and not all locations will blend in whole food items like this)
Whipped cream and caramel drizzle on top
Add in the rest of your pretzel to stir with

33. Horchata Frappuccino
horchata
If you've never had this spicy traditional Latin American/Spanish drink made with rice milk (or tigernuts in Spain), then you're missing out!
For the frappuccino version, try:
Chai creme frappuccino
Cinnamon dolce syrup (3 pumps venti, 2 pumps grande, 1 pump tall)
Vanilla syrup (1.5 pumps for venti, 1 pump grande, half a pump for tall)
Chai (4 pumps venti, 3 pumps grande, 2 pumps tall)
Sprinkle cinnamon on top
Or for a simpler version, order a chai tea frappuccino with cinnamon syrup added, and garnish with cinnamon powder on top.

34. Caramel Nut Crunch Frappuccino
caramelnutcrunch
This one is crunchy, nutty, and packed with caramel flavor, but not as strong of a caramel punch as the caramel ribbon crunch frappuccino. It's just about as sweet, though.
Order:
A vanilla bean frappuccino
Toffee nut syrup (3 pumps venti, 2 pumps grande, 1 pump tall)
Caramel syrup (3 pumps venti, 2 pumps grande, 1 pump tall)
Add in the caramel ribbon crunch pieces to the bottom of the cup before pouring in the blended mix
Add whipped cream and caramel drizzle on top
With more caramel crunch pieces on top
Enjoy!

35. Snickers Frappuccino
snickers (1)
Just like the candy bar. Ask for:
A java chip frappuccino
Toffee nut syrup (3 pumps venti, 2 pumps grande, and 1 pump tall)
Whipped cream on top
Caramel drizzle lining the cup and on top
Add mocha drizzle on top for even more chocolate flavor (optional)

source from :
via

05/03/2014

10 Common Mistakes That Parents Today Often Make

As the writer favorite parenting philosophy goes: "Prepare your child for the road, not the road for your child."
With this said, the writer have outlined 10 common mistakes that parents today often make. The intention isn't to point fingers, but to raise awareness. What may be ingrained in our culture is not always in the best interest of our kids.
Mistake #10: Worshiping our children. Many of us live in child-centered communities. We're raising our kids in child-centered homes. Our children love this, of course, because our lives revolve around them. And for the most part we don't mind either, because their happiness is our happiness. It thrills us to do for them, buy for them, and shower them with love and attention.
But I think it's important to keep in mind that our children were made to be loved, not worshiped. So when we treat them like the center of the universe, we create a false idol, turning a good into an ultimate. Rather than kid-centered homes, we should strive for God-centered homes. Our children will still be loved, only in a better way, one that promotes selflessness over selfishness.
Mistake #9: Believing our children are perfect. One thing I often hear from professionals who work with children (counselors, teachers, etc.) is that parents today don't want to hear anything negative about their kids. When concerns are raised, even concerns voiced out of love, the knee-jerk reaction is often to attack the messenger.
The truth can hurt, but when we listen with an open heart and mind we stand to benefit. We can intervene early before a situation gets out of hand. It's easier to deal with a troubled child than repair a broken adult.
As a Children's of Alabama psychiatrist recently told me when I interviewed her on teenage depression, early intervention is key because it can change the trajectory for the child's life. She said that's why she enjoys child and adolescent psychiatry -- because kids are resilient, and it's a lot easier to intervene effectively when they're young instead of years later, when the problem has gone on so long it's become incorporated into part of their identity.
Mistake #8: Living vicariously through our children. We parents take great pride in our children. When they succeed, it makes us happier than if we'd done it ourselves.
But if we're overly involved and invested in their lives, it gets hard to see where they end and we begin. When our children become extensions of us, we may see them as our second chance. Suddenly it's not about them, it's about us. This is where their happiness starts getting confused with our happiness.
Mistake #7: Wanting to be our child's BFF. When I asked a priest to name the biggest mistake he sees in parenting, he thought for a moment and then said, "Parents not being parents. Not stepping up to the plate to do hard things."
Like everyone, I want my children to love me. I want them to sing my praises and appreciate me. But if I'm doing my job right, they'll get mad and not like me sometimes. They'll roll their eyes, moan and groan, and wish they'd been born into another family.
Seeking to be our child's BFF can only lead to permissiveness and choices made out of desperation because we fear losing their approval. That's not love on our end; that's need.
Mistake #6: Engaging in competitive parenting. Every parent has a competitive streak. All it takes to stir this monster in us is another parent giving his or her child a leg up at our child's expense.
I hear these stories a lot at the junior high and high school levels, stories of broken friendships and betrayals due to one family blindsiding another family. In my opinion, the root is fear. We fear our children will get left behind. We fear that if we don't jump into the craziness, and pull out every stop to help them excel early, they'll be stuck in mediocrity the rest of their life.
I believe children need to work hard and understand that dreams don't come on a silver platter; they have to sweat and fight for them. But when we instill a "win at all costs" attitude, permitting them to throw anyone under the bus to get ahead, we lose sight of character.
Character may not seem important in adolescence, but in adulthood it's everything.
Mistake #5: Missing the wonder of childhood. The other day I found a Strawberry Shortcake sticker on my kitchen sink. It reminded me how blessed I am to share my home with little people.
One day there won't be stickers on my sink. There won't be Barbies in my bathtub, baby dolls on my bed or Mary Poppins in the DVD player. My windows will be clear of sticky hand-prints, and my home will be quiet because my daughters will be hanging out with friends instead of nesting at home with me.
Raising small children can be hard, monotonous work. At times it's so physically and emotionally exhausting we wish they were older to make our life easier. We're also kind of curious who they'll grow up to be. What will be their passion? Will their God-given gifts be clear? As parents we hope so, for knowing which strengths to nurture enables us to point them in the right direction.
But as we project into the future, wondering if our child's knack for art will make them a Picasso, or if their melodic voice will create a Taylor Swift, we may forget to soak up the splendor in front of us: toddlers in footed pajamas, bedtime stories, tummy tickles and elated squeals. We may forget to let our children be little and enjoy the one childhood they're given.
The pressures on kids start way too early. If we really want our kids to have a leg up, we need to protect them from these pressures. We need to let them have fun and grow at their own pace so 1) they can explore their interests without fear of failure and 2) they don't get burned out.
Childhood is a time for free play and discovery. When we rush children through it, we rob them of an innocent age they'll never pass through again.
Mistake #4: Raising the child we want, not the child we have. As parents we harbor dreams for our children. They start when we get pregnant, before the gender's even known. Secretly we hope they'll be like us, only smarter and more talented. We want to be their mentors, putting our life experiences to good use.
But the irony of parenting is that children turn our molds upside down. They come out wired in ways we never anticipated. Our job is to figure out their inherent, God-ordained bent and train them in that direction. Forcing our dreams on them won't work. Only when we see them for who they are can we impact their life powerfully.
Mistake #3: Forgetting our actions speak louder than words. Sometimes when my kids ask a question, they'll say, "Please answer in one sentence." They know me well, for I'm always trying to squeeze life lessons into teachable moments. I want to fill them with wisdom, but what I forget is how my example overshadows my words.
How I handle rejection and adversity... how I treat friends and strangers... whether I nag or build up their father... they notice these things. And the way I respond gives them permission to act the same.
If I want my children to be wonderful, I need to aim for wonderful, too. I need to be the person I hope they'll be.
Mistake #2: Judging other parents -- and their kids. No matter how much we disagree with someone's parenting style, it's not our place to judge. Nobody in this world is "all good" or "all bad"; we're all a mix of both, a community of sinners struggling with different demons.
Personally, I tend to cut other parents more slack when I'm going through hard spells. When my child is testing me, I'm compassionate to parents in the same boat. When my life is overwhelming, I'm forgiving of others who slip up and let things fall through the cracks.
We never know what someone's going through or when we'll need mercy ourselves. And while we can't control judgmental thoughts, we can cut them short by seeking to understand the person instead of jumping to conclusions.
Mistake #1: Underestimating CHARACTER. If there's one thing I hope to get right in my children, it's their CORE. Character, moral fiber, an inner compass... these things lay the foundation for a happy, healthy future. They matter more than any report card or trophy ever will.